Stray Thoughts

Scrap summer

Breandan O'Broin offers a seasonal miscellany of conversations about advertising. Apparently. Allegedly

Little girl	“Mummy, I've just seen a doggie in a TV ad”
Media mum	“Probably an Andrex puppy darling, they're so cute”
Little girl	“He was rubbing himself up against a man's leg, mummy”
Media mum	“Probably one of those David Attenborough programmes”
Little girl	“No mummy, it was an ad – for a chocolate bar. Why would a doggie do such a thing in an ad, mummy?”
Media mum	“Better ask your daddy, dear. He works for QMP Publicis.”

Ad exec	“Here's the new Ryanair campaign”
Michael O'Leary	“Does it take the piss out of the Pope?”
Ad exec	“Eh, no”
MO'L	“Does it make fun of Mahatma Gandhi?”
Ad exec	“Eh, no”
MO'L	“Will it upset the Queen of England or the President of Ireland?
Ad exec	“Eh, no”
MO'L	“Will it be banned by the Advertising Standards Authorities of Ireland, England, France, Germany and Serbia-Montenegro?
Ad exec	“Probably not all of them”
MO'L	“Bin it”

LEGGING IT: The current Moro commercial entitled 'A Lot Goin' On', created by Ger Roe and Ronan Nulty at QMP Publlcis and directed by Lenny Abrahamson.

Apparently, media agencies are now advertising agencies and advertising agencies are now creative agencies – as defined by the Metro Press Awards ad. How the sands have shifted. Stray Thoughts recalls a time when media merely merited a backroom in many agencies.

Young geek	“Poster for online banking says: 'Take the Information Superhighway'.
Old geek	“Information Superhighway, eh? Brings a tear to the eye. It's a phrase we used back in the dial-up-days.
Young geek	That long ago?
Old geek	It all seemed so cutting-edge then.
Young geek	“Are AIB trying to be consciously retro?
Old geek	“They'll be bringing back 'state-of-the-art' next”

Creative 1	“I'm a young creative, 19 next birthday”.
Creative 2	“I'm a mid-age creative, 23 next birthday”
Creative 3	“I'm a veteran creative, 25 next birthday”
Creative 4	“I'm a creative guru, 33 next birthday”
Creative 4	“I'm a creative consultant. Age is immaterial”

Allegedly the Institute of Advertising Practitioners in Ireland will re-brand as the Institute of Creative Agencies in Ireland.

Dunphy	“About the readies for the new radio show. Would you go a plank?”
RTE DG	“In ainm de, Podge agus Rog, what's a plank?
Dunphy	“A plank, a Kenny”
RTE DG	“Ainm an deabhaill!! No way could we stretch to a Kenny”
Dunphy	“How about a Ryan then, you can manage a Ryan surely”
RTE DG	“No, one Ryan is all we can afford Dail Committee on Public Accounts is over us like a rash There'd be mile murder, Eamo”
Dunphy	“What about a Duffy then? One ole' miserable Duffy. Ah Go-an, Go-an, Go-an”
RTE DG	“Would you settle for a Tubridy?
Dunphy	“A Tubridy – not a great salary, not even a good salary”
RTE DG	“OK, a Duffy it is then. A Duffy a month”
Dunphy	“A Duffy a show. What do you take me for? A plank?
RTE DG	“Bualaidh bos, Ann Leddy agus an aimsir laithreach!

Apparently the number of bad news stories in the UK tabloids outscores the number of good news stories by a ratio of 99.35 per cent to 0.6.5 per cent. Not surprising when you consider England's performance in the World Cup.

Complainant	“I want to complain about a Ryanair ad”
ASAI	“Putting you through to our ASAI automated Dial-a-Ryanair complaint mailbox, operating 24/7.
2nd Voice	“If your complaint concerns an ad that insults a religious, political or gender group, press one. If your complaint concerns advertised low fares that rarely seem to be available, press two. If your complaint concerns Ryanair ignoring previous adverse findings about its advertising, how do you think we feel? If your complaint concerns…we regret our Dial-a-Ryanair complaint mailbox is full. Goodbye”

Creative 1	“Poster for online banking says: 'Take the right route”
Creative 2	“On a Dart Station?”
Creative 1	“Pearse Street”
Creative 2	“That'll be a pun, then”
Creative 1	“What's a pun?”
Creative 3	“A play on words. ICAD banned puns in 1999”
Creative 4	“A pun is a valuable tool in the copywriter's armoury”
Creative 2	“They'll be using 'fast-track' next.

Apparently Wikipedia has decided the incidence of online vandalism caused by contributors uploading uncomplimentary things about the great and the good has gone too far. Now you've got to undergo a cooling off period before unleashing your rants on the waiting world. Doesn't happen in Marketing.

Golfer 1	“I see AIB are sponsoring the Ryder Cup”
Golfer 2	“I see Allianz are sponsoring the Ryder Cup”
Golfer 3	“I see O2 are sponsoring the Ryder Cup”
Golfer 4	“I see Failte Ireland are sponsoring the Ryder Cup”
Golfers 1-4	“It's all way over the top”
PR Exec	“You guys interested in sponsoring the Ryder Cup?”
Golfers 1-4	“Do we get free tickets?”

Allegedly the Annual Research Survey into Irish Business Sponsorship of the Arts cannot be held annually due to the lack of a sponsor.

Ryanair exec	“There are twelve agencies waiting to present for the account”.
MO'L	“I'll see them Tuesday week – for an hour”
Ryanair exec	“An hour each?”
MO'L	“Between the lot of them”

Allegedly one definition of Ambient Advertising is advertising that never seems to be around when you go looking for it.

Researcher	“Who sponsored the World Cup?”
Soccer fan 1	“Dunno”
Soccer fan 2	“Can't remember”
Soccer fan 3	“Never noticed”
Soccer fan 1	“Guinness?”
Researcher	“Stick-Ball”
Soccer fan 2	“Bank of Ireland?”
Researcher	“Bog-Ball”
Soccer fan 3	“AIB?”
Researcher	“Golf-Ball”

Allegedly yellow cards are to be issued to creative teams who worked on the plethora of uniformly uninspiring World Cup ads. Except to the lads who produced the Budweiser TV stings. For them, it's a straight red. Apparently sports sponsorship is growing at a phenomenal rate.

Complainant	“There's a dog on telly shagging a man's leg”
ASAI	“Sorry madam, we deal with complaints about advertising, not rude programmes by David Attenborough”
Complainant	“This is an ad, for a chocolate bar”
ASAI	“A shagging dog, did you say, madam?
Complainant	“No, a dog shagging”
ASAI	“Was it before or after the watershed?”
Complainant	“What's a shed got to do with it?”
ASAI	“We'll look into it madam”
Complainant	“Dog's not in the shed”

Apparently the Irish nation indulges in alcohol at twice the European average (Oireachtas Committee report). Apparently the Irish nation now drinks 6.8 per cent less per person than it did five years ago (Alcohol Industry report). Apparently we're the second richest nation on God's earth (Bank of Ireland report). Apparently our health services are the second worst in Europe (EU report). Allegedly statistics can mean whatever you want them to mean.

Apparently the boom times are getting even more boomer (An Taoiseach).

This should be good news for everyone working in advertising. Allegedly.

Breandan O'Broin is founder and director of Company of Words

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