Over the course of the coming weeks – and perhaps months – Marketing.ie will offer some humour by publishing a selection of jokes each Friday to help lift people’s spirits during the Covid-19 pandemic. Some of the gags are taken from the Heard It Say (Gregmar Books) collection of one-liners, celebrity quotes and cartoons reflecting today’s topsy-turvy world.
After the shock waves caused by Donald Trump’s election and Brexit the world is hit by Covid-19, a global sunami spreading disease, fear, loss and economic uncertainty not witnessed for generations. Journalist Annabel Rivkin says humour is key to personal survival. Sharing jokes may help quieten some of the current din that we hope may soon be silenced.
The cartoons are by Aidan Dowling, a regular contributor to Marketing.ie.
If you have a joke you’d like to share, please email it to firstname.lastname@example.org, along with your name and contact details. There may even be a prize for the best entry – MC
Here’s the first dozen instalment of what some people might brand ‘Dad’s Jokes’…
Lassie goes into Woodies and says: “I’d like a job please.” The shop assistant says: “Sorry, but we don’t hire dogs, go join the circus.” Lassie replies: “What would the circus want with a plumber?”
Sandra was getting into her car when a bloke asked her for a lift. She told him: “Sure, you look terrific, the world’s your oyster, go for it…
The problem with self-isolation is that you don’t get a day off.
Diarmuid Gavin plants his vegetables in alphabetical order. Where does he find the thyme? Right next to the sage.
Maeve Binchy has given more pleasure in bed than any woman.
The reason virus outbreaks have become more widespread is because they put all the good bacteria into probiotic yogurt.
Two hippos doing a weekend shop in SuperValu. One turns to the other and says: “Quiet in here today, isn’t it?”
The cast of Made in Chelsea were devastated they had to pull out of a Viagra-sponsored focus group on sex. They all had headaches.
Never shake hands with anyone in a lift, it’s wrong on so many levels.
Need a good hug? Once this crisis is over, take up beach volleyball.
The difference between Covid-19 and Romeo & Juliet? Covid-19 is the WHO’s official name for the latest coronavirus while Romeo & Juliet was a crisis in Verona.
What did the mother buffalo say to her son as he was leaving home? “Bison”.
Until next Friday, stay well.